I was planning on writing my thoughts on tonight's 24, but that'll probably have to wait till tomorrow. It's hard to detail how exactly I'm feeling right now. I think this person, the one who I was going to meet a couple of weeks ago and then she cancelled, fucked me up more than I usually care to admit. I know I explain it away by saying that I shouldn't get involved with anyone who comes to the liquor store where I work twice a week or so to buy booze, but it isn't always that easy. I just think I have horrendously bad luck with women. The frustrating thing is, I keep getting closer to realizing at least a first date or something. A few months ago, someone asked me to work out with her at the gym I was going to at the time. We set a day and time, but when I came there, she stood me up. Now, this. How does a person go from calling you on your birthday and jumping at the offer to hang out, to just cancelling and not even calling me?
It's a frustrating process that keeps repeating itself in a loop, over and over. I'll meet someone who I think is nice, say something or make some kind of a move, she isn't interested or has a boyfriend or something, I feel like shit for awhile, lick my wounds, and then once I start getting up again, there's someone else waiting to push me back down. I've taken a solemn vow to not look for anything with anyone who frequents where I work, for reasons I've explained in a prior post. But where else do I look? I only have two people I'm really close with, and if even one of them dies or something, that could be it. I'm taking a herbal, over the counter nutrient called St. John's Wort that helps keep you emotionally leveled. It's working, but I still struggle at times such as now.